Avoir le courage de ne pas être aimé
- Downloads：8226
- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-08-26 03:51:58
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Ichiro Kishimi
- ISBN：2813216453
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
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Summary
Sous ce titre provocateur qui va à l'encontre de tout ce que l'on nous apprend depuis notre enfance， ce livre， très accessible et profond， nous explique comment débloquer le pouvoir qui est en nous et qui ne demande qu'à s'épanouir pour que nous soyons la personne que nous souhaitons vraiment être。 Et cela， sans tenir compte du regard des autres， sans nous soucier de leur approbation。 En s'appuyant sur les théories d'Alfred Adler， l'un des trois géants de la psychologie du début du XXe siècle aux côtés de Freud et de Jung， ce livre suit une conversation éclairante entre un philosophe et un jeune homme。 Le philosophe explique à son élève comment chacun d'entre nous est capable de déterminer sa propre vie， sans les entraves des expériences passées， des doutes et des attentes des autres。 C'est une façon de penser profondément libératrice， nous permettant de développer le courage de changer et d'ignorer les limites que nous et les personnes qui nous entourent peuvent nous imposer。
Reviews
Anastasios Soursos
，
Awesome I really enjoyed this book， has crystal clear concepts and the dialogues make it easy to read。 I highly recommended it！
Hung Nguyen
，
Đúng như lời nhận xét của đại đa số độc giả， là một quyển sách hay phù hợp làm tiền đề tiếp cận Tâm lý học Adler。 Sẽ phải đọc lại để refresh bản thân， nhắc nhở về những sai lầm thường mắc phải trong góc nhìn về cuộc sống。
João
，
I greatly enjoyed this。 It was my first introduction to Adlerian psychology but I found the concepts clearly explained and also quite pragmatic。 I did find the fourth and fifth day， which focus more on the interactions with the community were not so well developed as the first three days。
Sahar Chami
，
An interesting perspective on redefining interpersonal relationships which are believed to be the cause of all our problems。 We view ourselves and actions not by what we believe but rather by the subjectivity of others。 The problem is with the constant need to seek recognition and live based on other's expectations。 Redefining them， setting boundaries and separating tasks is what will ultimately give you the courage to change， to live by your standards and to live to best of your ability。 An interesting perspective on redefining interpersonal relationships which are believed to be the cause of all our problems。 We view ourselves and actions not by what we believe but rather by the subjectivity of others。 The problem is with the constant need to seek recognition and live based on other's expectations。 Redefining them， setting boundaries and separating tasks is what will ultimately give you the courage to change， to live by your standards and to live to best of your ability。 。。。more
Hanah
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A book that will surely generate thoughts and conversations。
Hasnain Bin
，
A fantastic way of portraying the concepts of Adlerian psychology and how it is opposite from Freud's and Jung's psychoanalytic concepts。 It is a heavy subject but since it is written in dialogue， the concepts are easier to be grasped。 A fantastic way of portraying the concepts of Adlerian psychology and how it is opposite from Freud's and Jung's psychoanalytic concepts。 It is a heavy subject but since it is written in dialogue， the concepts are easier to be grasped。 。。。more
Muheg
，
Not for everyone。。This book offers a deep understanding of Adlerian psychology through an imaginary debate between a rushed youth and a wise （cold？） philosopher。 I found the book entertaining and provoking for the first few chapters， then it kind of went into routine loops of mental fights between the stubborn youth and the philosopher， which rendered the whole story a little boring。These are my best quotes:"It's a tough read and not everyone can follow it up or maintain motivation to go through Not for everyone。。This book offers a deep understanding of Adlerian psychology through an imaginary debate between a rushed youth and a wise （cold？） philosopher。 I found the book entertaining and provoking for the first few chapters， then it kind of went into routine loops of mental fights between the stubborn youth and the philosopher， which rendered the whole story a little boring。These are my best quotes:"It's a tough read and not everyone can follow it up or maintain motivation to go through， especially with bold statements like "people choose to be unhappy"， which hold a side of truth and the author tried hard to explain logically。 However， it is just hard to think idealistically in the same abstract way the author approaches。""Don’t you see？ In a word， anger is a tool that can be taken out as needed""The mother isn’t yelling in anger she cannot control。 She is simply using the anger to overpower her daughter with a loud voice and thereby assert her opinions。""Then， when those expectations are not satisfied， they become deeply disillusioned and feel as if they have been horribly insulted。 And they become resentful， and think， That person didn’t do anything for me。 That person let me down。 That person isn’t my comrade anymore。 He’s my enemy。 People who hold the belief that they are the center of the world always end up losing their comrades before long" 。。。more
Sergio
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This is one of those few books that change the way I look at things-- my life， my relationships， my therapy。 Will need to read it again in a few months。
Aidan
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Throughout the course of reading this book， I had many “hmm” and “wow” moments where I had to really pause， put the book down， and reflect on what was written carefully。 How good life is truly turns on your perspective and the lens you’re viewing with。 Personally， this book changed my outlook and I probably will find myself referring back to it again from time to time。
fakepine
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4。5
Jacob Roberts
，
My key takeaways:-Avoid vertical interpersonal relationships: Don’t put yourself above or beneath anyone。 This is the best way to create a more communal feeling。 Use phrases like “Thank you” more than “Good job。” A very interesting idea。 -Treat others as your comrades rather than your competitors。 Love this。-Emotions are tools used to achieve a goal。 （Also interesting， the idea that emotions are choices。）-We get to decide how past events shape us。 I think this is important。 Good or bad， our past My key takeaways:-Avoid vertical interpersonal relationships: Don’t put yourself above or beneath anyone。 This is the best way to create a more communal feeling。 Use phrases like “Thank you” more than “Good job。” A very interesting idea。 -Treat others as your comrades rather than your competitors。 Love this。-Emotions are tools used to achieve a goal。 （Also interesting， the idea that emotions are choices。）-We get to decide how past events shape us。 I think this is important。 Good or bad， our past is the past。 Now is the only thing， and we can choose how we want to live it。 。。。more
Alicia
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DNF op 10%， ik heb op dit moment geen woorden hoe erg ik dit haat
Alex
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One of those books that changed my life。
Ross
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It’s the kind of book that makes you shed a tear towards the end， I feel lucky to have been able to read this so early on in my life and it has put a lot into perspective。 I think we can all relate to this book but at the same time we find it hard to intellectualise the prose。 This book helps you to do this and I plan to disseminate its knowledge across all the people I help in my career。 This will stay firmly on my book shelf for life。
Jake R
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Format is really easy to understand and addresses the reader's doubts throughout。 Reading it was a nice exercise in reflection。 Format is really easy to understand and addresses the reader's doubts throughout。 Reading it was a nice exercise in reflection。 。。。more
Vero
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So many good thoughts， breezed through it！
Alexandra
，
*received*
Huy Bui
，
Đọc hơi rối， đọc được nửa và quyết định không đọc nữa
Choni Tan
，
Easy to read。 The 3 key points Adler emphasised to pursue a life-long happiness are very simple， but it can undoubtedly be a guiding star to answer almost every problems that arise from interpersonal relationships。 Amongst all， I am personally intrigued by the idea of separation of tasks yet I find it the hardest to put into action。 Highly recommend to all especially highly-sensitive persons that need a book of answers for your doubts。
CALL ME ZAKARIA
，
Mind Blowing， itu yang bisa aku nilai。Berbeda dari buku kebanyakan， buku karya Ichiro Kishimi ini ditulis dengan bentuk dialog percakapan， seakan kita dibawa ke dalam dimensi suatu ruang diskusi yang sangat mengagumkan。 Seolah kita mendengarkan apa yang mereka bicarakan， sehingga cepat untuk saya memahami isi dari buku ini。
Germain Macby
，
Ce livre m’a totalement mindfucké - cette introduction à la psychologie adlérienne est super。 Le discours sous la forme d’une discussion entre un jeune homme et un psychologue rend la lecture agréable。 J’ai adoré cette psychologie， je le relis une deuxième fois pour intégrer davantage les concepts de la psychologie individuelle et les utiliser au quotidien。
Cristina Braiotta
，
Mi è piaciuto il format del dialogo filosofico che spiega in modo chiaro la psicologia adleriana， tuttavia quest'ultima， pur avendo degli spunti molto interessanti， non mi convince completamente。 Mi è piaciuto il format del dialogo filosofico che spiega in modo chiaro la psicologia adleriana， tuttavia quest'ultima， pur avendo degli spunti molto interessanti， non mi convince completamente。 。。。more
Shreyas
，
The book introduces the base concepts of Adlerian psychology in the form of a dialogue between a youth and a philosopher。 It’s a quick read and is a good starting point to learn more about this school of psychology， developed by one of Freud’s contemporaries。
Yishan Li
，
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 自上次写书评，竟已有两年之久。是生活太忙碌了吗？或者只是自己无意识的选择。这本书书名直接，乍看犹如一碗泛着香气的鸡汤，近处翻开却别有洞天。整书通过对话形式来讲述心理学家阿德勒的“勇气心理学”；通俗易懂，参杂着很多对于观点的辩论，几个瞬间仿若自己就是那发问的青年。但是思想观点有些分散，除了主线的三个观点（自我接纳、他者信赖、他者贡献）是贯通之外，别的观点留给读者自行梳理融合。以下是我自己的读后理解（免责声明^_^）。人生的意思是什么？书里提到人生并不是一条指向终点的线，而是无数个瞬间形成的无数个点。因为是点，不相互链接，所以过去不能导致现在，未来也不是人生的重点。第一眼看去，很难接受这个理论。因为过去的不幸而导致现在的问题，是普遍被接受的因果论。可那为什么拥有相似过去的人会拥有不同的现在？这时，一个有趣的观点被提出：现在的生活方式是自己主动选择的结果，而这么选择的原因是因为一些对自己有利的“目的”。比如，因为口吃，所以现在不敢当众说话；那么是不是不再口吃就可以当众演讲了呢？还是只是凭借这个理由而让自己心安理得地不去改变现状。重要的不是过去发生了什么，而是我们怎样理解已经发生的无法被改变的 自上次写书评，竟已有两年之久。是生活太忙碌了吗？或者只是自己无意识的选择。这本书书名直接，乍看犹如一碗泛着香气的鸡汤，近处翻开却别有洞天。整书通过对话形式来讲述心理学家阿德勒的“勇气心理学”；通俗易懂，参杂着很多对于观点的辩论，几个瞬间仿若自己就是那发问的青年。但是思想观点有些分散，除了主线的三个观点（自我接纳、他者信赖、他者贡献）是贯通之外，别的观点留给读者自行梳理融合。以下是我自己的读后理解（免责声明^_^）。人生的意思是什么？书里提到人生并不是一条指向终点的线，而是无数个瞬间形成的无数个点。因为是点，不相互链接，所以过去不能导致现在，未来也不是人生的重点。第一眼看去，很难接受这个理论。因为过去的不幸而导致现在的问题，是普遍被接受的因果论。可那为什么拥有相似过去的人会拥有不同的现在？这时，一个有趣的观点被提出：现在的生活方式是自己主动选择的结果，而这么选择的原因是因为一些对自己有利的“目的”。比如，因为口吃，所以现在不敢当众说话；那么是不是不再口吃就可以当众演讲了呢？还是只是凭借这个理由而让自己心安理得地不去改变现状。重要的不是过去发生了什么，而是我们怎样理解已经发生的无法被改变的过去，认清以及接受现在的自己，然后鼓起勇气来改变现在。那为什么人生的重点不是那承载着美好期望的未来呢？曾在一场辩论赛中听到“西游记为什么这么好看，是因为他们最后取到了西经吗？不是，是因为他们历经了九九八十一难”。我们总是有很多目标，总是在攀登。这座山登顶了，稍作休息庆祝，然后开始去往下一座山的旅程。登顶的时间那么短暂，攀登的过程那么漫长。人生在于那登顶的时刻吗？不，人生在于路途上的每一分每一秒。所以最重要的不是过去和未来，而是现在。当我们放下过去拖着的枷锁，接纳现在的自己的不完美，用勇气去努力改变，珍惜每一个当下，也许人生会在某个瞬间戛然而止，也许那个时候我们还在路上，不曾站在山顶远眺四方，可是，那时的我们也许走过了山川，看过了大海，拥有过很多个像今天一样珍贵闪亮的日子。那么怎样让今天的自己幸福？人际关系无疑是很多人的烦恼。书中提出，人际关系的起点是“课题分离”，终点是“共同体感觉”。课题分离是指对他人的课题可以协助，但是不要横加干涉。他人的课题是指那些最后结果不是由自己承担而是由他人承担的主题。别人对你的看法是别人的课题，我们无法干涉。我们可以做的是在与他人交往中保有良好的心态。良好的心态是指“横向”心态，不“纵向”地评价赞美批评，而是平等地给与鼓励，分享看法和表达感谢。理解他人是自己的伙伴，与自己存在于共同体中（学校，公司，甚至是全人类，全宇宙），对他人抱有信赖以及给与帮助。信赖可以减少人际交往中不必要的恶意揣测，而贡献可以提升自己对于共同体的归属感以及幸福感。 。。。more
Sweetovrn
，
I like this one。 Could it be because the illustrations provided by the author are the same as my attitude？， that's。 At least now my thinking has changed， I'm not as stupid as I used to be。 I like this one。 Could it be because the illustrations provided by the author are the same as my attitude？， that's。 At least now my thinking has changed， I'm not as stupid as I used to be。 。。。more
Carmen Foglia
，
I listened to this audio book。 The dialogues between the youth and the philosopher were something I did not expect， the youth is supposed to be someone who finished college， but the voice sounded more like a teenager to me。It has some scandalous phrases like "trauma does not exist" or "one should not give praise"。 But I truly believe that even if you don't buy the theories of Alfred Adler 100%， keeping an opened mind， you can get a few elements useful to your own life。 I encourage you to keep li I listened to this audio book。 The dialogues between the youth and the philosopher were something I did not expect， the youth is supposed to be someone who finished college， but the voice sounded more like a teenager to me。It has some scandalous phrases like "trauma does not exist" or "one should not give praise"。 But I truly believe that even if you don't buy the theories of Alfred Adler 100%， keeping an opened mind， you can get a few elements useful to your own life。 I encourage you to keep listening/reading even if you disagree in some parts （I did too）。 。。。more
Juju
，
Interesting view points of the world， but it's s lot to digest。 Have to reread it to actually take something away from it and to perhaps apply it to my own life。 But definitely newer sides to the coin of life。 Interesting view points of the world， but it's s lot to digest。 Have to reread it to actually take something away from it and to perhaps apply it to my own life。 But definitely newer sides to the coin of life。 。。。more
Pu Ta
，
Thực ra đọc từng đoạn mình khá hiểu và khá thấm nhưng mình cũng không đồng ý với nhiều quan điểm và cũng có nhiều câu hỏi giống như a thanh niên nhưng mình không hài lòng với câu trả lời lắm。 Nó hơi không đi vào trọng tâm mình muốn。 Kiểu vậy。
Vanya Surya
，
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 My favvv quotes: "Aku tidak akan mencampuri urusanmu， jadi jangan campuri urusanku juga， dan kita berdua dapat melanjutkan hidup kita berdua。"Ini yg wajib diterapin sih👆Untuk lainnya， masih belum paham apa yg dimaksud sama filsuf😟 Will read it later。 Semoga sampe baca yg kedua kali bisa pahim😬 My favvv quotes: "Aku tidak akan mencampuri urusanmu， jadi jangan campuri urusanku juga， dan kita berdua dapat melanjutkan hidup kita berdua。"Ini yg wajib diterapin sih👆Untuk lainnya， masih belum paham apa yg dimaksud sama filsuf😟 Will read it later。 Semoga sampe baca yg kedua kali bisa pahim😬 。。。more
Mário Mouraz
，